... full-time mom.
Tell me: What mom is NOT a full-time mom? I know those who say that particular phrase don't mean it as a shot to working mothers, but I think working mothers might take it that way sometimes. I can get behind "stay-at-home mom" as a title, but sometimes I stay at home and work and watch my child during the week. I'm just looking for better ways to say who we all are as mothers. Why do we have to define ourselves so defensively when people ask "What do you do?" Both types of moms are under so much pressure from different people to answer correctly. What is correct?
"Yes, I'm going back to work ..." Whew. I said it. Now, the reaction I get depends on who asks. Someone at church, I get a sigh. Someone not at church, (ANYONE not at church) I get a "cool" or no reaction at all. What does that say? Does the church tend to frown upon working moms with kids who aren't in school yet? Or, am I paranoid? I only ask because I know like one or two other moms like me at church out of many, many moms.
Is it working mom and non-working mom? No. All moms work.
In actuality, I have two full-time jobs. Yikes. And I feel it this week more than ever.
Sorry, I'm whining a little, but I figured it would be a good topic of convo on a blog. No offense to anyone. See, I'm already thinking I'm offending people just by talking about it! It's so sensitive. Maybe it's because working moms sometimes secretly want to be stay-at-home moms, and vice versa. Thoughts?
8 comments:
I cannot even begin to understand so I won't try since I do not work outside the home. But I really like Dr. Laura, not everything she believes, but bits and pieces and when people ask her what she does, she says, " I am my kid's mom." And yes she does work too, she was a marriage and family therapist and now she does her show on the radio also. All in all we do the best we can whether that is from home or from work and home. The only thing that matters in the end is for our children to be loved and feel safe and secure.
Sara -- i think you're doing the absolute right thing -- talking about it and reaching out. there is so much competition out there -- btw working moms and stay at home moms -- singles, marrieds -- and what we should all really do is respect and support each others choices. as a single/no kids, i can only observe the pressure thus far -- but unfort it's everywhere. there's prob little comfort in that -- but know you're an amazing Mom and Cooper is so lucky to have such great parents.
I hadn't heard the word full-time mom before, but I think that's complete crap! Do you stop becoming a mom just because you're away from your kids? Even if you find the time to just go get your nails or eyebrows done, or work out at the gym away from the baby, you're STILL its mother during the time away. I work from home and am a stay-at-home mom (I guess...), and I think that whether you work at home or in an office or just stay-at-home and take care of the baby, we're all moms, period. And to think that one group loves their babies more than the other is stupid, childish and a disgrace to all women. Most of us don't have a choice nowadays, we've got to bring the bacon. Besides, what's so wrong about wanting to keep a piece of your life? I think it's a great example for the kids. Hang in there! And screw those who you feel judge you. At the end of the day, only your family's happiness matters.
This is a copy & paste from my friend's (Summer) blog. I agree w/ her take on the whole mommyhood topic!
"Happy 6 months to our precious boy!
Half of his first year is over. Hard to believe. It seems like at least once a day someone says to me, “Enjoy it! They grow up fast.” I know. Thanks for the haunting reminder. I’m sure a few years from now I’ll be saying the same thing to new parents. I guess it is good to be occasionally reminded that this time is precious and fleeting. And I feel like I really have soaked up every moment and enjoyed each step along the way. I won’t lie…there have been days where I thought I might go a little bit crazy if I didn’t get out of the house and find a grown-up to talk to. But, those times barely even register when compared to the incredible blessing of getting to watch my baby grow and being there for each new development. I wouldn’t trade the time I’ve had at home with Ethan for anything.
Having said all that, I realize that stay-home mommyhood is not for everyone. Many moms have to work. And some moms are better moms because they choose to work. It seems that everyone has an opinion about this matter, but I strongly feel that we moms should support each other regardless of what choice we make. Same with breastfeeding. And schooling. There’s enough guilt that comes along with motherhood without outsiders making you feel bad for your choices.
*Steps down off of soap-box*"
I, too, have done both. I could make the longest comment ever on this issue - but I won't. There were quite a few people who made me feel way guilty for going back to work when I made the decision to do so. But, I agree with what one of the other girls said about feeling like you a better mom if you work outside the home. In my case, I feel that it is somewhat true. Would I rather stay home all day with Kaitlyn? Of course! But we can't financially do that, so I make the absolute BEST of the time that I have with her in the evenings and on the weekends. Kids know who there moms are, and they love them the same whether you stay home and work, or leave and work. Just make the best of the time you have with them in either situation.
This probably made no sense. Anyway.. do NOT feel guilty for doing what you have to do. You're a wonderful mom!
The best thing for a child is to have a mom who is happy and loves him/her. That said, each woman must decide what is going to make her happy--staying home to care for her child or working full- or part-time. I, for one, know I would not be happy staying home full-time; and, if I'm honest with myself, I know that I would not give Ashleigh the mental and physical stimulation she gets at daycare. The important thing is that you, as a mom, are happy and fulfilled, since this will reflect on your child.
Re: your church--unfortunately, we are considering changing congregations because I've not felt supported in my choice to work outside the home. I didn't find many other moms in the church like me, and the church scheduled all of its women's or moms' activities in the middle of the day--not possible when you work. Your faith should support and uplift you in the hardest job you'll ever have. My advice is to find a place to celebrate that faith where you (and your work-life choices) are accepted and embraced.
Do what's best for you and try not to second-guess yourself. And certainly, don't let anyone else do it either! Take care of yourself, your marriage and your precious baby--everything else will fall into place.
I know this is not your most current post; however, I still wanted to comment. Though not the same situation, I feel that I can relate to you as I received many adverse comments from both strangers and friends alike about my decision to formula feed from the start. I just feel that you need to find what fits for you as an individual and for you as a family and go with it. It isn't anybody else's place to judge you for your decisions regarding your family, and like everything, there are pros and cons to both sides of the issue. I believe that you just have to look at what is important to you and what is best for your family and just do it without looking back. You love Cooper and anybody who tries to tell you that you aren't doing what is best for him is not worth listening to. You are a super mom, so don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
Sara, I love this post and all the wonderful comments on it. I hate all the judgments that are brought on all moms whether working or not, breast feeding or not, etc. I think everyone should do what is best for their family, and their kids and themselves. I don't think there is any right or wrong formula that is the ideal for all families. It really is a shame that people at church make you feel that way about working. Don't let them get to you. Remember, you are doing what is right for your family. People have made me feel weird about starting to give Chase formula at 6 months rather than going the whole year on breast milk...they've also made me feel the same way about getting baby sitters often...about leaving my kid at the gym child care...about leaving my baby with my parents for a weekend while Preston and I went on a church class trip....about taking him to mom's day out twice a week so that I can work from home some....about not working away from home…about taking him to Sunday school class before he could sit up on his own (and not worrying about him for even a second while he was there). You just can't win with all people. But you know what...I'm a good mom and I know that I am. I’m relaxed and trust other people with Chase. I love my son soooo much and I give him the attention that he needs but I also do things for myself to keep my life balanced. I enjoy bringing in some money for my family...I enjoy having some time with just my husband...with just my son...and with the tree of us together. I do what I think is best for my particular family and I know that you do to. No matter how you live your life there are always going to be some people who don’t agree with what you are doing. You are a super mom and Luke is a super dad! Don't let anyone make you feel differently!
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